Office by Alex Penny
First Officer Douglas Richardson, here to answer the questions the other dolts can't.
Anonymous: You have all kinds of grammatical errors in your answers today, Douglas. Are you feeling well?
Oh? Like what, for example?
Anonymous: " Why don’t you try actually asking one of the lovebirds, themselves?" I have tried asking Carolyn, she won't give. I guess you've gotta be a sky god level trickster to win anything off her. Herc kinda scares me.
Oh, well, that’s a shame.
I, of course, know absolutely nothing about their ‘love life’. Really, I have far more important things to worry about.
There’s some paint drying on my walls that is begging to be watched, for example.
Anonymous: douglas the cat is a very fat cat, would you ever consider getting a cat?
Oh, hilarity. Truly your wit is incomparable.
No. I’m not a ‘Cat Person’.
Anonymous: Have you ever considered growing a beautiful moustache?
I did consider it, once, but I decided that I cut a dashing enough figure, as is.
Anonymous: What kind of person do you think is the Right One for Arthur?
One who is frightfully dim and, preferably, ageusic.
Anonymous: Have Carolyn and Herc gone on any dates since the one you ... surprise!serenaded? I'm asking b/c you're a *Sky God*, you know things. You must know.
Oh, probably.
To be quite honest with you, dear Anon, I don’t much care. Why don’t you try actually asking one of the lovebirds, themselves?
Anonymous: I LOVE YOU!
Rightly so, my dear.
linguini17: Do you ever enjoy flying for its own sake?
Oh, occasionally. Rather difficult to when I’m being bothered by persnickety captains and moronic cabin boys, though.
amaya-krb: You know, some people like the shy, awkward, and adorkable types.
Do they? Good Lord, how strange.
I do hope you’re not trying to attach those descriptors to Martin. ‘Awkward’ I will grant you but I must contest ‘shy’; the man manages to assert himself wherever possible.
I have no idea what ‘adorkable’ is but unless it means ‘uptight, snappish and fastidious’ then I don’t think it will apply to him either.
Anonymous: What're you reading?
At the moment, I have my nose rather firmly stuck between the pages of Shelley’s Frankenstein. What about you, my dear?
